Act It Out

Ask for what you want and be willing to walk away from alternatives

Apr 09, 2024

Hey, it’s Alexandra. Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I share my latest reflections on professional development and well-being.

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This week, I share reflections on how:

Rejection prompts dilemmas
Settling is worse than walking away
Today could be your changing point

☕️ Read time: 3 mins (best with tea or coffee)

Last Fall, I landed my first Editor gig—after initially getting rejected.

I’d applied with high hopes but realistic expectations. Working for me was I’d collaborated with the team before (albeit in a different capacity) so they knew my work ethic. Working against me was my lack of editing experience.

But I knew the team provided ample training to new Editors so I figured I’d push myself out of my comfort zone to try something new.

I’d worked with the team twice as a Mentor guiding students through their writing program. But I’d gotten adequate experience on the facilitator front and now wanted to start giving feedback.

So I applied to be an Editor and submitted a mock assignment. My evaluation was positive so I figured I had a decent chance of being accepted.

But as I was eagerly awaiting further news, I got a congratulatory welcome email—to the Mentor team. Assuming there was confusion about my “changing lanes,” I responded reiterating my desire to be an Editor this time.

My Dilemma

My heart sank when the response came back. The Editor team was fully stacked and thus they’d be happy to have me Mentor instead.

I was torn.

When I started working with the team a couple of years ago, Mentors were the “coveted” roles. You became the face of the brand by facilitating live online sessions.

Editor roles were largely consolation prizes for those who didn’t bag one. These behind-the-scenes roles involved adding comments to first drafts asynchronously and feedback varied wildly from one Editor to the next.

But since then, an Editor training program has been built out, and I was keen to learn from it.

So I sat with my dilemma.

On the one hand, I knew a Mentor role was not to be passed up lightly. But on the other, I knew deep down I’d outgrown it.

By that point, I was keen to hone my self-editing skills by developing Editor skills in general (as giving feedback to others is a great way to uncover blind spots of your own—I wrote a post on this here).

So I sent the team the following message:

I was disappointed but I knew it was the right move.

I shared as much in a MasterMind with four incredible women later that day. They gave me kudos for walking away from a tempting offer that simply wasn’t what I wanted.

Interestingly, one woman with more experience than me smiled and said, “Give it a few days. I bet they’re surprised you turned it down and an Editor role will “suddenly” open up.”

I doubted it. Instead, I resolved to feel the disappointment for a couple of days and then release it—which thankfully, I did.

But then three days later, I sent the same woman the following screenshot:

I was elated.

I had gotten the Editor role and proved to myself that by walking away, I could manifest what I wanted.

That marked a changing point for me, and I recently learned one of my favourite actresses had a similar experience right before her big break.

Actress Sandra Oh’s Dilemma

“I didn’t do the final audition.”

I was shocked by Sandra Oh’s revelation that she almost walked away from my favourite medical series, Grey’s Anatomy, during its initial casting in 2005.

Oh’s portrayal of Dr. Cristina Yang was iconic over the ten years she graced the show with her presence. Her broad range and impeccable delivery were recognized by wins at the 2005 Golden Globes and 2006 Screen Actors Guild Awards, plus a bunch of other nominations throughout her surgical saga.

In an interview, Oh explains how as an Asian-American actress, she has fewer opportunities to “bat” for roles and when she auditioned for Grey’s Anatomy, she’d reached a point in her career where business-wise, she wasn’t willing to settle.

So despite being a shoo-in for Dr. Yang, Oh did not do the final audition.

Here’s a partial interview transcript highlighting what happened next:

“I walked away from it because it was not right […] and then I got the part.
The point being I was practicing asking for what I wanted, and I was willing to walk away[.] That was definitely, for me, a changing point. […]
Now, I’m going to be in a place in my life where I’m asking for what I want and be okay if it doesn’t happen.”

You can watch the 1.5-minute clip from the 3:44 mark below:

The Universal Lesson

“You have to envision it, you have to practice it, you have to act it out.”
—Sandra Oh on getting what you want

When I think back to last Fall, I understand what Oh means. Granted, manifesting my first Editor gig pales in comparison to her award-winning TV role. But the lesson is the same.

It’s hard to “graduate” ourselves.

We’re conditioned from a young age to progress at fixed rates based on someone else’s permission. It starts with changing grades in school and evolves into vying for promotions at work. A sad reality is some people go their entire lives waiting on greenlights from other people.

But the truth is, as an adult, you're the traffic controller. You’re free to decide when “it’s time” to make a change or take a leap. You can’t control the outcome but neither can anyone signalling you to “go.”

So you may as well avoid being held back.

No one “told me” I could be an Editor. No one gave me “permission.” I simply made the decision that I was going to be one and would not be deterred by rejection.

My point is, things work out when you have the confidence to ask for what you want and are willing to walk away from alternatives.

So make today a changing point for you. Envision what you want, practice it, and ultimately… act it out.

I’m rooting for you.

Thanks for reading and have a wonder-full week,

Alexandra

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