"Proofreader". I could not stop laughing through the latter part of your newsletter, Ali. I think I wrote a kickass newsletter for my 100th edition. My husband's review? "Too long". Your partner may not necessarily be the answer to every prayer.
That being said, I do also resonate with Paul's message that when you let go of the "shoulds" you make space for more people to enter you life. Even if they are not your perfect proofreader and audience!
Haha, glad to bring the comic relief, Karena! I definitely laugh about it a lot too because many people say the same, they’ll ask their partner for feedback and then be annoyed by it! Lol it goes to show we all create “ideals” that don’t necessarily pan out.
And 100% agree letting go of “shoulds” is enlightening. Case in point, I originally titled this post ‘Why you *shouldn’t* delay...’ but then caught myself and opted for ‘Why I wouldn’t delay...’
I love this, Ali. Especially Paulo Coelho's quote at the end. I have definitely 'unbecame' a person I didn't want to be during my soloprenuership journey. I'm kinder, happier, more focused and more creative.
Resonate deeply with this piece. As someone in their early 20s, the pressure to find a partner is ever-present. Though I'm at peace with not actively dating in this dream-chasing chapter of my life, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel pangs of "It'd be nice to have a partner right now." Cue the past week!
When I do, I remind myself of this: Before you can build a life with someone else, you have to build your own first.
As much as you're going through seasons of change within your own journey, I'm sure your future partner is as well. Excited for when you meet your partner, read this piece back to yourself, and smile as you say "I knew all along!"
Thank you, Dennis! I’m grateful for your thoughtful response. It goes to show finding “your person” is one of those things that transcends age and other demographics.
I love this mindset: “Before you can build a life with someone else, you have to build your own first.”
And this made me smile as well: “As much as you're going through seasons of change within your own journey, I'm sure your future partner is as well. Excited for when you meet your partner, read this piece back to yourself, and smile as you say "I knew all along!"”
Wisdom at its finest. Thank you again for sharing!
Great post and reality check! While I do think having a partner you trust makes things generally smoother and more fulfilling, I also think we undervalue the power of making big decisions independently.
If you're a rational person you will get a lot more input from the outside world and put it all together into something meaningful to you and to those you care about.
I bought my first house on my own. It was equally the most frightening and fulfilling decision I'd ever made and I enjoyed every moment of it. My first solo trip was to Japan, I kept putting it off to find someone who would go with me then I gave up and just went, still one of the best vacations I've ever taken...
Keep doing what you care for and the one will eventually emerge!
Thanks, Sameh! I appreciate you leaving such a thoughtful comment and LOVE everything you’ve shared.
“Putting it all together into something meaningful” is a great way to describe it. And it’s certainly special to take input from various people in your life. That’s so true.
I love that you bought your first house on your own and went to Japan solo rather than putting it off indefinitely, and that both turned out to be so rewarding.
I made my first overseas move at age 24 and people thought I was nuts to go “alone” but I knew it might not happen otherwise and the kindness of strangers who wanted to help me since I was “on my own” was heartwarming. And I feel equally compelled to help anyone in a similar position now. The experience transformed me.
This issue had a lot of new thoughts for me to ponder over. I just started Paul's book as well. I love that you've taken charge on your own and kept moving forward. So many people don't do that. You have no idea. Let me tell you; I'm at university, and I see many such people. The fact that you are actually DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE (and telling us about it here) is commendable!
I got to dive deeper into your point about putting in extra hours to fit a "workaholic" persona. Do you really think that doing that was required? What is your opinion on being a workaholic, especially in solopreneur-ship/entrepreneurship?
Thanks, Ishan! Means a lot and I 100% would say you’re equally commendable for all that you’re doing. You’re an inspiration my friend! 😊
Regarding the “workaholic” persona, I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone. I’ve always believed our weaknesses lurk in our strengths and as someone with a strength in initiating projects and taking ideas from 0 to 1, my kryptonite is taking on *too* much.
I let my enthusiasm get the best of me and risk burning myself out if I’m not careful. So I think I had to learn the hard way once and for all that I can’t blame a company, boss, or anyone else for my lack of boundaries around work the past couple of years. As my own boss, I had to accept that *I* get carried away with enthusiasm and need to rein myself in. So that’s what I’ve done and now I’m strictly doing “minimum viable hours” (aka 35-40 hours per week). And it feels great!
That said, from working at a startup hub, I know coaches require founders to be working ~100 hours per week to get things off the ground and I don’t think there’s a way around that. Starting anything is hard and takes sacrifice upfront so you don’t need to be a workaholic but you need to put in the hours.
Anyway, I’m by no means an expert so hope my thoughts are helpful in thinking through your own!
Your thoughts certainly are helpful! The reason I asked this is that all of us WOPers are, in a way, trying to start something out of nothing. We're trying to build our names online, and I guess that also will entail putting in some extra hours in the beginning. That's what I've been thinking about. Honestly, I enjoy every bit of it, but I don't want to burn myself out.
this was great - i didnt write it in the book but I also had this dream for many years of "once i find a partner I will travel the world" - it was exactly because i gave up that dream that I actually went and I wish I had gone way earlier. The kind of people i met traveling were exactly the ones i wanted to meet, not the ones in boston and new york worried about status and houses.
Thanks, Paul! Your book found me at the perfect time. It’s always a magical feeling when that happens! It’s a big part of why I love reading and writing so much, those serendipitous moments of connection to someone’s words (often timeless wisdom).
That’s a great point about travelling! I see a lot of people get blocked on that and it makes me glad I made my first solo move overseas at 24. The people I met opened my world up in ways I hadn’t dreamed possible.
Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing Ali! Trusting things will come though as you go about your way, and create space for it is an ongoing thing - I'm really feeling that at the moment. Thanks for the great reminder :)
"Proofreader". I could not stop laughing through the latter part of your newsletter, Ali. I think I wrote a kickass newsletter for my 100th edition. My husband's review? "Too long". Your partner may not necessarily be the answer to every prayer.
That being said, I do also resonate with Paul's message that when you let go of the "shoulds" you make space for more people to enter you life. Even if they are not your perfect proofreader and audience!
Haha, glad to bring the comic relief, Karena! I definitely laugh about it a lot too because many people say the same, they’ll ask their partner for feedback and then be annoyed by it! Lol it goes to show we all create “ideals” that don’t necessarily pan out.
And 100% agree letting go of “shoulds” is enlightening. Case in point, I originally titled this post ‘Why you *shouldn’t* delay...’ but then caught myself and opted for ‘Why I wouldn’t delay...’
Thanks for sharing!
I love this, Ali. Especially Paulo Coelho's quote at the end. I have definitely 'unbecame' a person I didn't want to be during my soloprenuership journey. I'm kinder, happier, more focused and more creative.
Thanks, Natasha! The quote speaks to me on so many levels. Glad your "unbecoming" journey has been equally profound. :)
Resonate deeply with this piece. As someone in their early 20s, the pressure to find a partner is ever-present. Though I'm at peace with not actively dating in this dream-chasing chapter of my life, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel pangs of "It'd be nice to have a partner right now." Cue the past week!
When I do, I remind myself of this: Before you can build a life with someone else, you have to build your own first.
As much as you're going through seasons of change within your own journey, I'm sure your future partner is as well. Excited for when you meet your partner, read this piece back to yourself, and smile as you say "I knew all along!"
Thank you, Dennis! I’m grateful for your thoughtful response. It goes to show finding “your person” is one of those things that transcends age and other demographics.
I love this mindset: “Before you can build a life with someone else, you have to build your own first.”
And this made me smile as well: “As much as you're going through seasons of change within your own journey, I'm sure your future partner is as well. Excited for when you meet your partner, read this piece back to yourself, and smile as you say "I knew all along!"”
Wisdom at its finest. Thank you again for sharing!
Great post and reality check! While I do think having a partner you trust makes things generally smoother and more fulfilling, I also think we undervalue the power of making big decisions independently.
If you're a rational person you will get a lot more input from the outside world and put it all together into something meaningful to you and to those you care about.
I bought my first house on my own. It was equally the most frightening and fulfilling decision I'd ever made and I enjoyed every moment of it. My first solo trip was to Japan, I kept putting it off to find someone who would go with me then I gave up and just went, still one of the best vacations I've ever taken...
Keep doing what you care for and the one will eventually emerge!
Thanks, Sameh! I appreciate you leaving such a thoughtful comment and LOVE everything you’ve shared.
“Putting it all together into something meaningful” is a great way to describe it. And it’s certainly special to take input from various people in your life. That’s so true.
I love that you bought your first house on your own and went to Japan solo rather than putting it off indefinitely, and that both turned out to be so rewarding.
I made my first overseas move at age 24 and people thought I was nuts to go “alone” but I knew it might not happen otherwise and the kindness of strangers who wanted to help me since I was “on my own” was heartwarming. And I feel equally compelled to help anyone in a similar position now. The experience transformed me.
And while Japan is still on my bucket list, I know it’ll be a sentimental trip when I eventually go because (per a recent newsletter: https://open.substack.com/pub/alexandraallen/p/jazz-and-japan?r=nb7od&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post), my oldest childhood friend is Japanese and her late father’s role in my childhood was really special. ❤️🇯🇵
This issue had a lot of new thoughts for me to ponder over. I just started Paul's book as well. I love that you've taken charge on your own and kept moving forward. So many people don't do that. You have no idea. Let me tell you; I'm at university, and I see many such people. The fact that you are actually DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE (and telling us about it here) is commendable!
I got to dive deeper into your point about putting in extra hours to fit a "workaholic" persona. Do you really think that doing that was required? What is your opinion on being a workaholic, especially in solopreneur-ship/entrepreneurship?
Thanks, Ishan! Means a lot and I 100% would say you’re equally commendable for all that you’re doing. You’re an inspiration my friend! 😊
Regarding the “workaholic” persona, I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone. I’ve always believed our weaknesses lurk in our strengths and as someone with a strength in initiating projects and taking ideas from 0 to 1, my kryptonite is taking on *too* much.
I let my enthusiasm get the best of me and risk burning myself out if I’m not careful. So I think I had to learn the hard way once and for all that I can’t blame a company, boss, or anyone else for my lack of boundaries around work the past couple of years. As my own boss, I had to accept that *I* get carried away with enthusiasm and need to rein myself in. So that’s what I’ve done and now I’m strictly doing “minimum viable hours” (aka 35-40 hours per week). And it feels great!
That said, from working at a startup hub, I know coaches require founders to be working ~100 hours per week to get things off the ground and I don’t think there’s a way around that. Starting anything is hard and takes sacrifice upfront so you don’t need to be a workaholic but you need to put in the hours.
Anyway, I’m by no means an expert so hope my thoughts are helpful in thinking through your own!
Your thoughts certainly are helpful! The reason I asked this is that all of us WOPers are, in a way, trying to start something out of nothing. We're trying to build our names online, and I guess that also will entail putting in some extra hours in the beginning. That's what I've been thinking about. Honestly, I enjoy every bit of it, but I don't want to burn myself out.
Thanks a lot!
this was great - i didnt write it in the book but I also had this dream for many years of "once i find a partner I will travel the world" - it was exactly because i gave up that dream that I actually went and I wish I had gone way earlier. The kind of people i met traveling were exactly the ones i wanted to meet, not the ones in boston and new york worried about status and houses.
Thanks, Paul! Your book found me at the perfect time. It’s always a magical feeling when that happens! It’s a big part of why I love reading and writing so much, those serendipitous moments of connection to someone’s words (often timeless wisdom).
That’s a great point about travelling! I see a lot of people get blocked on that and it makes me glad I made my first solo move overseas at 24. The people I met opened my world up in ways I hadn’t dreamed possible.
Alexandra, I've said it before. Although we are on somewhat different paths, you always inspired me. Thank you.
Thank you, Susan! That means so much. 🥹💛
Hope you’re well! 😊
“You’re already doing so much. You don’t even realize it.”
Your friend is right.
Thanks, Merott! She’s definitely a wise woman. 😊
I really enjoyed reading this post. Your words ring so true and I can relate to so much of it. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Lotus! I’m glad you enjoyed it and the message resonated. Thanks for sharing. 😊
Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing Ali! Trusting things will come though as you go about your way, and create space for it is an ongoing thing - I'm really feeling that at the moment. Thanks for the great reminder :)
Thanks, Charlotte! Glad the message resonates and appreciate your (ongoing) encouragement. You’re a gem! 😊