Take Care Of You

When therapy meets 'Pretty Woman'

Hey, it’s Alexandra. Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I share my latest reflections on professional development and well-being.

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Today, I share the following wisdom from therapy and Pretty Woman:

• An empowering four-word phrase

• How to “simmer” to avoid “boiling over”

• Why you must be your own advocate at work and in healthcare

 ☕️ Read time: 5 mins (best with tea or coffee)

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This time last summer I went looking for a therapist. I was burnt out and anxious at the helm of self-employment, and I needed help navigating what to do next.

Despite the stodgy male personas I’d seen portrayed on TV, I struck gold with a warmer, stylish woman not much older than myself.

Speaking to her is like a heart-to-heart with an extremely grounded, practical friend, and at the end of each session, she bids me adieu with four simple yet powerful words:

There’s only one other person I’ve heard use this phrase in lieu of the grammatically correct “Take care of yourself.”

The best part? Said individual is a fictional character and street-walking icon from a 1990 rom-com that remains one of the biggest blockbusters of all time—Pretty Woman.

Kit De Luca, Julia Roberts’ feisty, flaky, but ultimately caring roommate in Pretty Woman is consistent and concise with her sendoffs.

Whether Roberts’ character Vivian is headed out to entertain a client or putting her old life behind her to begin anew, De Luca offers the same judgment-free advice:

“Take care of you.”

In the past year of hearing my therapist say those same four words, I’ve come to appreciate them even more.

Today, I’m sharing two major ways I’ve internalized them (in hopes you do too).

1. Keep the pot at a simmer

Source

In my first month of therapy, I met with my therapist on a weekly basis given I was anxious, burnt out, and torn between whether to stick with self-employment or revert to a nine-to-five lifestyle.

But as I got clarity on what I wanted, I dropped my cadence to bi-weekly in month two, and then monthly for months three and four. Eventually, I stopped going once I started my new job.

I was feeling back to myself and no longer anxious or burnt out, plus in order to make an appointment, I’d have to miss work which unfortunately doesn’t bode well with new jobs.

But then, after a few months, I had to book an unrelated appointment and figured, why not take a half day so I could also see my therapist and reflect on the past few months?

So I did and it felt great to take stock of my progress and improved well-being. From there, I decided to embrace a “pot simmering” analogy in which I would meet with my therapist every four to six weeks to check in, even if I didn’t “need” to.

We both agreed it was a great way to avoid a scenario in which “the pot boils over” and I wind up feeling burnt out or anxious again.

So now, when someone who has never seen a therapist asks me why I would spend the time and money continuing with therapy when I “seem fine,” I have my answer.

2. Be your own advocate

One of my biggest takeaways from self-employment has been to “be your own advocate” and that applies as much in the workplace as it does in the healthcare system.

In early May, I started having abdominal pain linked to a foot injury that initially seemed to get better with osteotreatment, but then got significantly worse in June.

Initially, I was plagued by fear and guilt for requesting flexible work hours to attend weekly treatment sessions.

But in hindsight, that was a waste of energy given my work wasn’t impacted and my employer is a healthcare company with “care” as a core value. It wasn’t a problem.

Nonetheless, I had to repeat these four words like a mantra this past week as I prepared for a trip to Italy on Saturday for my brother’s wedding:

My ongoing pain culminated in several appointments to see my osteo, meet with a podiatrist, get fitted for orthotics (hello, geriatric era), and then finally see my GP for peace of mind that I was fit to travel.

But while I’d anticipated my GP waving the white flag, I had a major “Oh shit” moment when my GP said she wasn’t convinced my abdominal pain was linked to my foot injury and to be safe, she wanted to send me for more tests to rule out other causes.

I tried not to worry but I was slightly panicked at the thought of finding another culprit. While there’s never a “good time” to have health issues, a week before I’m due to be a bridesmaid in Italy is undoubtedly one of the worst.

By some miracle given the state of Quebec’s healthcare system, I managed to get my tests done the very next day. Initially, the hospital wanted to give me an appointment the following Friday—the day before I left—but that would mean boarding my transatlantic flight before getting my results.

Thankfully, I advocated for myself on the phone and told them I would wait all day if they could squeeze me in that same day and sure enough they told me to come right over.

On top of that, the administrative staff was so empathetic about my forthcoming departure that they assured me they would get me in as soon as possible.

I still ended up waiting a couple of hours and as I looked around the waiting room I saw people of all demographics waiting on appointments of all different sorts—some nervous and pacing, others dozing or scrolling (I, myself, alternating between calmly reading and fending off anxious thoughts).

It was a profound reminder that our health is a gift and there’s nothing like sickness or injury to make you appreciate that—plus all the incredible people who keep our healthcare system running.

So again, despite initially feeling “bad” and worrying about how it might “look” to miss another half-day of work in proximity to my two-week vacation, I was proud of myself for putting my health first. Plus I was on top of my work, entitled to the time off, and communicating my whereabouts to my manager so there was no reason to waste energy questioning how I might be perceived.

I used to think killing yourself for a job you care about was a sign of passion and dedication. But after my own experience with burnout, I now recognize how foolish that is. There’s no prize in the world big enough to compensate for poor health.

The great news—miraculous, if you will—is my tests came back clean and I’m all clear to travel (alas my foot injury is the culprit of my pain and hopefully the orthotics will relieve it).

But my takeaway to “be your own advocate” stands, whether that means overriding remarks from friends, family, coworkers, or anyone else questioning your actions or course of treatment.

Before seeing my GP, a friend had said to me “Why bother seeing your GP if the podiatrist gave you orthotics to fix the problem?” I told her “Peace of mind” since podiatrists don’t examine you completely.

I’m extremely grateful that as a Canadian, I was able to see a GP and get hospital tests the very next day by flashing a Medicare card in lieu of payment. It would’ve been negligent to waste that privilege.

Had I not bothered to get checked out and there had been another culprit left unattended, who knows how much worse off I’d be? Blaming “so-and-so” for telling me to cancel wouldn’t do any good at that point, would it?

As an adult, you are responsible for your health and well-being and that’s the most important job you’ll ever have. Everything stems from there.

So as my therapist and Kit De Luca would say…

Take care of you.

Thanks for reading and have a wonder-full summer,

Alexandra

P.S. Last week I declared I was hitting ‘Pause’ on my posts but since today is International Self-Care Day, I felt compelled to share my newfound therapy-meets-Pretty Woman wisdom. Now I’m really signing off. So once again… arrivederci.