So much wisdom packed into just one article and so well written Alex - I’m truly impressed at your discipline and generosity in sharing these life lessons every week! Well done and thank you !
Thank you so much, Phil! That’s so kind of you to say. It’s definitely been a fun passion project and it’s always a bonus when the message resonates with readers. Thanks for checking it out and sharing your feedback! 😊
Conversations are difficult not because of the subject matter, but because of the emotions that go with it (fear, anxiety, nervousness), and what we might need for ourselves - affiliation, security, safety, understanding - or as Ringo hinted at - connection and presence.
That wonderful phrase you picked out: Do you want me to come with ya?" reminds me of "Coming Alongside" in Motivational Interviewing. When someone is stuck, sometimes we simply need to be present. There's no need to fix or help or advise or man-splain: presence and acceptance is enough.
Oh - and Hampstead Heath is my favourite park, too. I used to train in the Parliament Hill lido, and the ponds, but nowadays as I don't live as near, I'm outdoors in Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park.
Thanks, Eric! Great points. Thanks for the connection to “Coming Alongside” — hadn’t heard of it before.
Glad you love the Heath too! Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park are amazing too. Hard to go wrong with London parks, they’re among the best I’ve come across. :)
That interview clip is priceless. What a gem to share with us. Thank you. In the digital space I think that has been my instinct around commenting on other writers' work, it's a simple way of offering to "come with" the person who is going on a journey to share their strengths, their goodness, and their art.
“In the digital space I think that has been my instinct around commenting on other writers' work, it's a simple way of offering to "come with" the person who is going on a journey to share their strengths, their goodness, and their art.”
That is SO beautiful, Rick! As one of many recipients of your “accompaniment,” I can say wholeheartedly that you’re succeeding with flying colours (pun intended).
Thank you for supporting my journey. I am immensely grateful for your support and fascinating insights from week to week.
Oh god... the need we feel as adults to help other adults solve their conflict...
What's funny to me is that as adults, we have no problem telling children to solve their disagreements themselves. We KNOW that it doesn't help children if we have to intervene in their interpersonal conflict, as it creates dependency and sets them up for future conflict.
However, as adults, we feel obligated to help other adults in their disagreements? Of course the same principles apply!
100%! 😅 It’s ironic how we perceive squabbles between kids as natural occurrences that they’re fully capable of resolving. But then get all jumpy when it’s adults (who are better equipped to resolve disagreements—at least most! 😂).
I was *mindblown* when Barry shared his simple fix. I thought about how many personal and professional disputes I got pulled into mediating (for what it’s worth, numerous people have told me I’d make a good mediator lol).
Seriously though, it was painful to realize how much time and energy I could’ve saved if I’d responded as he did rather than spring into action to “help.”
Anyway, thanks for sharing! I have no doubt as a dad, a founder, and generally level headed guy, you’ve probably had just as many gos at mediating (if not more than I have).
So much wisdom packed into just one article and so well written Alex - I’m truly impressed at your discipline and generosity in sharing these life lessons every week! Well done and thank you !
Thank you so much, Phil! That’s so kind of you to say. It’s definitely been a fun passion project and it’s always a bonus when the message resonates with readers. Thanks for checking it out and sharing your feedback! 😊
What a beautiful essay! The ending really hit me. I’m trying to think now of how I can offer that support to the people who are closest to me.
Thanks, Michelle! Glad it resonated and gave you something to think about. :)
Great gems here, Ali!
Conversations are difficult not because of the subject matter, but because of the emotions that go with it (fear, anxiety, nervousness), and what we might need for ourselves - affiliation, security, safety, understanding - or as Ringo hinted at - connection and presence.
That wonderful phrase you picked out: Do you want me to come with ya?" reminds me of "Coming Alongside" in Motivational Interviewing. When someone is stuck, sometimes we simply need to be present. There's no need to fix or help or advise or man-splain: presence and acceptance is enough.
Oh - and Hampstead Heath is my favourite park, too. I used to train in the Parliament Hill lido, and the ponds, but nowadays as I don't live as near, I'm outdoors in Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park.
Thanks, Eric! Great points. Thanks for the connection to “Coming Alongside” — hadn’t heard of it before.
Glad you love the Heath too! Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park are amazing too. Hard to go wrong with London parks, they’re among the best I’ve come across. :)
I ran in Kensington Gardens the other day and it felt like the world was about to end. Dark, moody, foreboding. And that was a 1pm!
There are a lot of great metaphors in Motivational Interviewing. Coming alongside is one I like a lot!
That interview clip is priceless. What a gem to share with us. Thank you. In the digital space I think that has been my instinct around commenting on other writers' work, it's a simple way of offering to "come with" the person who is going on a journey to share their strengths, their goodness, and their art.
“In the digital space I think that has been my instinct around commenting on other writers' work, it's a simple way of offering to "come with" the person who is going on a journey to share their strengths, their goodness, and their art.”
That is SO beautiful, Rick! As one of many recipients of your “accompaniment,” I can say wholeheartedly that you’re succeeding with flying colours (pun intended).
Thank you for supporting my journey. I am immensely grateful for your support and fascinating insights from week to week.
Also, glad you enjoyed the clip! My takeaway from the interviews I’ve watched is they all shared such a special bond. Probably my second favourite clip is this 4-minute one of Ringo *and* George talking about John’s passing and how they still feel connected to him: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WHCnTP9Bels&pp=ygUqR2VvcmdlIGhhcnJpc29uIGFuZCByaW5nbyB0YWxrIGpvaG4gbGVubm9u
what an utterly unique group of beings the Beatles were.
Oh god... the need we feel as adults to help other adults solve their conflict...
What's funny to me is that as adults, we have no problem telling children to solve their disagreements themselves. We KNOW that it doesn't help children if we have to intervene in their interpersonal conflict, as it creates dependency and sets them up for future conflict.
However, as adults, we feel obligated to help other adults in their disagreements? Of course the same principles apply!
This a great reminder Ali!
100%! 😅 It’s ironic how we perceive squabbles between kids as natural occurrences that they’re fully capable of resolving. But then get all jumpy when it’s adults (who are better equipped to resolve disagreements—at least most! 😂).
I was *mindblown* when Barry shared his simple fix. I thought about how many personal and professional disputes I got pulled into mediating (for what it’s worth, numerous people have told me I’d make a good mediator lol).
Seriously though, it was painful to realize how much time and energy I could’ve saved if I’d responded as he did rather than spring into action to “help.”
Anyway, thanks for sharing! I have no doubt as a dad, a founder, and generally level headed guy, you’ve probably had just as many gos at mediating (if not more than I have).
Yes! Lots of time and energy wasted! But often it is simples fixes and mindset shifts that can make all the difference.
I appreciate the kind words too!