Don’t Defer Happiness to a Future State You May Never Achieve

The power of changing “one day” to “day one”

Last Sunday marked ten years since I moved to London in 2014. 

I was twenty-four and my one-way ticket from Montreal included two layovers—in Boston and Reykjavík—for the sake of stretching my savings:

In celebration of that life-changing leap that opened my world up in ways I hadn’t imagined, I decided to make the anniversary of one dream the inauguration of another.

I’ve been wanting to write a book about the story that unfolded from that first overseas move for years now.

I feel compelled to capture the life lessons I accrued from the people I encountered in veering from a conventional career path—in pursuit of something different.

In early June, I finally jotted down a rough project plan as a note on my phone to get started:

On Sunday, September 8th, 2024, I put my plan in motion. I sat down, started writing, and just like that (as Sarah Jessica Parker would say)… I turned “one day” into “day one.”

But finding the courage to finally start my book after dreaming about it for so long, let alone telling people I’m finally doing it, has been no easy feat.

Here’s why.

The Problem With Dreams

James Clear wrote the bible on employing “tiny changes” to achieve “remarkable results.” Thanks to his best-selling book, Atomic Habits, he’s now the modern day Godfather of how to achieve dreams through realistic means.

Here’s what Clear had to say about dreams in a recent newsletter:

I don’t know about you but when I’m eighty years old, I want to look back on my life and know “I went for it.”

My Dream Plan Versus The Next Best Thing

Before I jotted down a realistic plan to write my book, I had an unrealistic plan in mind. I had told myself that in honour of starting my book, I would fly to London and spend an enchanting visit retracing my steps from September 2014.

I would go to South Kensington to visit the Hyde Park-adjacent hostel where I wound up spending a month sleeping in bunkbeds in rooms of up to twelve people. (My original plan was to stay for two weeks maximum but alas, my search for housing proved awfully difficult. By the time I settled into my own room in a flatshare with three new friends, I felt like the bloody Queen.)

I’d imagined rocking up to our former apartment complex—Warwick Lodge—and being met with a rush of nostalgia.

I loved that about London. Every building had a designated title. A blend of structure with character.

It took me a while to introduce my home properly.

My inclination to say “War-wick Lodge” was immediately met with “It’s Warick Lodge. The second ‘w’ is silent.” Admittedly, the latter sounds better but how was I supposed to know?

As much as I delighted in the idea of a London reunion tour, it occurred to me earlier this year that my “plan” was purely romantic. Going back to London wasn’t feasible for September.

So rather than sulk and make excuses for why I needed to go there to write, I decided to reframe the situation. I thought “If I can’t go to London to channel my adventures from 2014 to 2016, how can I bring London to me?”

This brings me to my first intention in writing my book.

Best Practices From “Day One”

Intentions (i.e., What Went In)

I’m determined to make my book writing process as enjoyable as possible and not defer my happiness until publication. Two ways I plan to do that are:

1. Pick fun locales to write from

Sunday’s gem was the Cardinal Tea Room in honour of my inaugural book writing session coinciding with the tenth anniversary of my London move. As a bonus, my waitress was from the UK and we had a lovely chat about life in London versus Montreal (the most notable takeaway being Montreal is WAY more affordable).

2. Quit each session before I want to

I love writing and could easily let each session run for hours. But as legendary writer Seinfeld says, it’s best to have a hard stop. That way I finish feeling accomplished and eager to get back to it with clarity on my next steps.

Now on to what I learned from day one.

Learnings (i.e., What Came Out)

Overall, day one was amazing and I feel great about it. My mind was bursting with excitement and having poured my first 7,205 words into a Google Doc, here are several learnings I’m keen to share:

1. I’m further into writing this book than I realized. Ever since I started writing online in February 2021, I’ve been referencing aspects of my “London life.” So I have plenty of material to refine and expand on.

2. Thinking in chapters is key. I’ve started drafting my book by creating headers for each chapter (which I keep refining) so that they map to a table of contents at the top. This way I can drop bullet point references I want to include in their designated “spot” but still be able to “zoom out” and see the high-level structure. It’s a fun mapping exercise and I’m loving the puzzle aspect of moving chapters around to convey the sequential unfolding of events.

3. I’m floored by how much my writing has improved through consistent effort. I often remark on posts from the previous weeks thinking “I could’ve written this better” but the further back I go, the more extreme the sentiment. I’m aghast at how poorly written my oldest posts from three-and-a-half years ago are. An utter mess of thoughts broken up by boring explanations, all I can think now is how I would rewrite them 10x better. This book is my opportunity to do that.

   (Side note: If you’ve been reading my writing from the start, I appreciate you. Thank you for sticking with me through the muck.)

4. There are many random anecdotes I’ve preserved over the years without conscious effort. I’m realizing now there’s a reason they’ve stuck with me in vivid detail. They represent something novel or surprising that to this day, I’m inclined to share. 

Those are my top four takeaways from day one.

That and I haven’t felt this fired up about a project in a long time.

My only “challenge” Sunday was some back pain from a Dragon Boat cancer fundraiser I took part in on Saturday (that sport is hardcore). But for the most part, I was so pumped I barely noticed.

Documenting The Journey

“We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience.” —John Dewey

Beyond reflecting on my learnings, I want to capture photos to commemorate my book-writing journey and the joy it brings me. That way I can remember where I was and how much fun I was having as I hopscotched to publication.

Here’s an overview of the photos I took above to commemorate day one:

1. I’ve loved reading and writing since I was a kid. So “The Schoolgirl with a Pearl Earring” mural I passed on Sunday morning gave me all the feels about pursuing my childhood dream of writing a book.

2. Drafting my book outline with strawberry tea and treats as part of Cardinal Tea Room’s “strawberry social” (Quebec strawberries are the best). I even followed their “wear red” dress code for the occasion. What’s cool is I’m able to draw on plenty of posts I’ve written in the past to create the best outline.

3. A closer look at Cardinal’s seasonal strawberry rooibos tea. They have the cutest cups, saucers, and teaspoons.

4. The adorable blue and red sign directing traffic to the tea house on Saint Laurent.

Reflection Time

“It's not the destination, it's the journey.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

As Clear pointed out earlier, “Dreams are fun when they are distant.” I would argue the opposite can also be true.

Lately, I’ve been stunned by how many people overlook current sources of joy due to hyperfixation on future sources outside of their grasp.

Whether it’s wanting a promotion, a bigger home, another child, or anything else in between, it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of “I’ll be happier when I have X.”

Our minds can trick us into thinking that once we have the next thing, our life will be complete. Anything short of that vision becomes unacceptable and so we apply brute force to get that thing we want and feel we deserve.

But even then, it doesn’t work and we’re left feeling exhausted.

I’ve learned through my own wrestling with not getting everything I want on my timeline that the best pathway to being happiest in the future is to be happy with the present.

We have to trust the timing of our lives.

That means finding joy and gratitude in the process of working to achieve future states we yearn for. Because pursuing a dream can be remarkably un-fun—soul-destroying even—when we defer happiness to a future state we may never achieve.

Don’t let the future rob you of the present.

Question Time

Now’s as good a time as any to reflect on your latest dream. In James Clear-esque fashion, ask yourself:

From this point forward, am I going to be someone who thinks about it or goes for it?

I hope you pick the latter and drum up ways to enjoy the journey.

Thanks for reading and have a wonder-full week,

Alexandra

P.S. Saturday’s Dragon Boat fundraiser for Cedars CanSupport was a HUGE success (the rain even held out until we left). Together, Dialogue employees filled two boats (that’s 40 people) and exceeded our collective fundraising goal of $30K by $17K. Thank you SO much to everyone who donated in support of cancer patients and their families. I appreciate you.

P.P.S. Here’s another look at “The Schoolgirl with a Pearl Earring” mural in all its immensity. Here’s hoping you stroll past an equally apt representation of your dream that fires you up to run toward it.

Cue Chandler saying “Could those grey skies BE any more London?”